Wednesday, January 7, 2004 10:43 a.m.

got a disease now. bleh.

Stupid cold. I got it from John who got it from Sara(h) or someone at the Exalted game that I'm supposed to go to today because it's every Wednesday and goddamnit why did I decide to get back into roleplaying?! >.<;;;

I dreamt I had (apparently) taken Dan's journal (the notebook sort, not online) and told everyone around me something that was in it. What, I don't know. But of course it got back to him and he was pretty pissed off at me, and so I went to talk to him and apologize. I think he was peeling potatoes o_O I wonder if I was feeling desperate? For forgiveness. I can't remember how I felt in the dream. In the real world, I'd have to say... Things keep surfacing, and it's typically never how I think it is. *shrugs* But I can only take things in stride. So I suppose I'm always going to miss my friends, and that's how it's going to be until I learn to really get over it.

I don't know about roleplaying anymore. It's weird playing with people that aren't my friends. It's all... stilted. And... Wednesdays? Yeah right. I just don't know about this. I might drop it before I start getting involved... >.<;;;;;;;;;;

It needs to hurry up and be the twentieth soon. I need some friends of my own here; John's friends are nice, but not my own.

And this cold needs to die.

Monday, December 15, 2003 02:39 p.m.

purple fuzzies.

My last day of school for this semester was last Friday, and we put up the Christmas tree yesterday. If my nose wasn't doing the sniffly thing currently, I would be smelling wonderful, wonderful evergreen. But here I sit in my purple flannel fuzzy cloud pajamas, not smelling evergreen.

Weekend. Saturday, I was to meet Lauryl at the mall around 2:30-3:00, and I told her that I'd probably be there a bit earlier, since my parents were going down to my aunt's for a Christmas party. Ha. Early. Yeah, that's what it wasn't. I arrived there at three, went to the arcade, and there was no Lauryl around. There was, however, a DDR tournament, and some cosplayers o_O I asked a girl what was going on, and since I wasn't wearing anything that would suggest I am knowledgable about anime and video games, she told me in one of those voices that suggested she was speaking to a foreigner with a heavy accent. When I pointed out that I recognized the Naruto headband one of her affliates was wearing, her tone switched to that of kindred spirit. Go figure. I watched some of the dancing, half-watching the entrance to spot Lauryl, but no such luck. I did, however, spot Rob of all people, so I latched onto him and talked a while. It wasn't until about 4:30, 4:45 that Lauryl, Thomas, and Andy strolled up and presented themselves to us. Yay! Turns out Lauryl got there around two, didn't see me, panicked, then went off to do other stuff. But I'm glad we were together anyway.

We got food, talked a bit, and I was informed that we were going to have to go see a later show of The Last Samurai (for that is the reason why we were gathering) because Lauryl and Thomas had to do stuff before then, and Thomas wasn't going because he had to study for finals. Blarg. Then Amanda called Lauryl, to check on the status of stuff, I'm sure, and we had to tell her about the change. So, because it was supposed to ice later on, and we were going to the 10:15 show, she and Stony weren't going. Foo. Then Rob told me that he was going to go home for a while, so I asked him to check on Wray and tell him the change in plans, since I had invited him earlier that day. Then, we were off. The remaining four of us went to the Barnes & Noble, then the gas station, then Andy's car. Along the way I got a huge map of Phoenix and two oatmeal creme pies. We drove to Lauryl's, change the oil, then parted, each of us having stuff to do: Lauryl and Thomas went to get her tips for the day, and Andy and I went to just roam around until it was time for the movie. We drove around the parking lot of an old movie theatre; he got high while I ate candy, and I think the smoke gave me a headache. Oh well.

Went to Starbucks and had coffee and food, and talked a while. Then over to the Best Buy, but don't worry, we didn't buy anything. Then, since we still had some time to kill, we went over to the movies and played some arcade games. I topped their high score of Ms. Pac-Man ^____^ Loury came, then Lauryl, so we settled down near the top of the theatre. Rob joined us shortly, and then the movie played on. Yummy goodness mmmmm I love The Last Samurai. It was about one o'clock in the freezing rainy morning, so Andy, Loury, and I went back to his place (as I was staying the night), and Lauryl and Rob went to their respective homes. Back at the house of Andy (and MattDude), we stayed up a while talking and snacking on various foods the fridge had to offer. Interestingly enough, ranch potato chips with salad dressing is tasty. Thanks Loury =) I met MattDude and his girlfriend Jenny, who was incredibly attractive and amazingly doped up on three different drugs, plus alcohol, which explained why she was walking around very carefully. Then, bedtime.

I woke up around 10:48, I believe the clock read, with the cat nestled around my feet. Awww ^__^ I played some Gauntlet until Andy woke up and showered, then we two went out to Brigs for some food. After that, it was home for me. Then Christmas tree! And... sleeping. Lots. Again. Oh well.

I feel comfortable. For one, I'm glad I had that (strange, weird, typical) talk with Dan a while back. Good to get the whole situation off my mind. As a result, I don't go to the board anymore, but that too is a comfortable decision. If I'd made it in anger, I'd just feel guilty and regret what I've done. But it's okay. And it really is okay. It kinda feels like shedding skin, and that's good too.

So, another chapter in my life is ending. But it's a good ending. It's always a bit sad to see something end, but it's exciting to look ahead, huh? Though I suppose from an angle I'm going to Arizona rather clueless, and it'll be hard going, but that's all right. God, I'm getting rid of this persistent pessimism! It'll be okay; "things will work out in the end." I'm leaving Christmas day to fly to John, and things are getting better and better...